The Olympic Games is doing nothing to stimulate Britain’s album buying habits as the nation hits its lowest weekly album sales in 16 years. Rihanna‘s Talk That Talk has returned to #1 on the UK charts with just over 9,500 copies sold – making it the lowest weekly sale for a UK #1 album in the 21st century.
Elsewhere, American Idol winner Phillip Phillips scores big on the digital charts thanks to a placement in NBC’s Olympic broadcast, the Pet Shop Boys cops a chart fail with ‘Winner’, and J.Lo now ties with Katy Perry for most consecutive US #1 dance/club play singles.
So what did I do with the rest of my day after I found out that J.Lo was touring Australia? Honestly, does it even matter. I mean, really. The immensity of Jenny finally coming to my block was too much for my basic being to handle.
Fire up the smoke machine and throw on your Louboutins.
News broke this morning while I was on air that Jennifer Lopez is bringing her Dance Again greatest hits tour to Australian shores this December. The announcement was echoed with much rejoicing in caps locked tweets from my fellow Australian Love?rs.
Seven studio albums deep in a discography glittering with hits, and the 43-year old has never done a world tour before.
Here Down Under, J.Lo has secured two #1 singles with ‘If You Had My Love’ and more recently ‘On The Floor’ (featuring Pitbull) – however, all up she has had 17 Top 30 hits in this country. Needless to say, a few of us would know the words to at least a dozen of her songs.
Australian tour dates announced so far:
Perth Arena, Perth – 6 December
Adelaide Entertainment Centre, Adelaide – 9 December
Rod Laver Arena, Melbourne – 11 December
Allphones Arena, Sydney – 14 December
Brisbane Entertainment Centre, Brisbane – 18 December
Tickets go on sale on 21 August, so start gathering up your coins.
A whole season must’ve passed beneath our feet, moons come and gone, colours of the wind changed, since our last Chart Feed – but I’m now ready to immerse myself back into a regime of tireless research on Monday nights.
Perhaps once the choir of angels performing their celebratory rendition of ‘You Bring Me Joy’has ascended back to heaven, we can begin this week’s pickings of the ARIA, UK Official and US Billboard charts.
This was a particularly rosy week for Justice Crew and Conor Maynard, featuring new entries also from The Veronicas, Kelendria Trene Rowland and Scissor Sisters.
There are only two types of music fans in the world – ones who know they are J.Lo apologisers and ones who are only just waking to realise that they are.
I think there should be a research team out there studying Jennifer Lopez‘s recent singles approval ratings before and after the music video is launched because I swear I felt the tide turn a little with ‘Goin’ In’.
After letting out a torrential amount of piss on her last effort ‘Dance Again’ (featuring the omnipresent Pitbull), I really had no excuses left to make for my favourite Latin pop diva.
By the time ‘Goin’ In’ surfaced on the interwebs, I was already packing my suitcase with thoughts of leaving the blogosphere and, in a more literal sense, the country. I was not going to be available in anyway to defend her crass and disposable new track.
Director Ace Norton (who served us the spectacular Scissor Sisters clip ‘Any Which Way’) rams a visually bonkers collision of high energy dance, colour and action onto your screen. So captivating it is, that you’re not even sure how you’ve just sat through one of the most irritating J.Lo singles to date without blinking and then rousing to find a discreet discharge of glitter in your panties.
The majority of the action shots like slow motion of paint clashing mid-air, people smashing through glass and shit exploding were already piloted on the aforementioned Scissor Sisters clip.
However, this being the single to usher in the Step Up Revolution movie, there was an abundance of choreography and laser lights present, coupled with street elements like brightly coloured fire hydrants shooting out paint.
I mean, look at the above. Is this real life? We are not worthy.
I’m glad the video wasn’t a mindless surrender to the movie’s themes. J.Lo still appropriately commands the clip with her own moments in that reinvention of Little Red Riding Hood with diamond-encrusted lips, and that devastating strut she did in front of the wind machine, which mind you is precisely how I look on the treadmill at Fitness First every other morning – so gag, bitches!
‘Goin’ In’ – produced by GoonRock, the man who had a hand in co-writing and co-producing several of LMFAO‘s Sorry For Party Rocking jams – is a damaging blend of present day crunk and Europop synths.
The presence of rapper Flo Rida and an uncredited Lil Jon adds some street heat to ‘Goin’ In’, and this point I’m prepared to concede that their contribution is rather necessary to the overall experience of the track – which is not something I would say for every J.Lo single that has featured a rent-a-rapper.
Look, put it this way. If this is a signifier of the kind of hectic uptempo to come on some future J.Lo album that she may or may not be working towards, then it’s not a completely bad thing. I think we gotta acknowledge that Mami Lopez has always had her feet firmly in both urban and dance sides of the pop arena and the time has never been better to combine the two.
Watch the eye-popping video for ‘Goin’ In’:
Footnotes:
Jennifer Lopez‘s ‘Goin’ In’ has to date climbed up to #3 on the US Billboard Dance/Club charts. I would highly recommend the aggressive Jacob Plant dub step remixand mildly tribal Gustavo Scorpio remix.
Do you think she will extend her Dance Again world tour down to Australia in the new year? I am desperate for this to happen.
J.Lo is one of very few women I’d let fuck me over with her music video extravagance. Even though the song is as fresh as donkeys’ balls, I’d let her take me there and blow my mind like a virgin’s first time in the back seat.
Having already expressed deep sighs of dissatisfaction with ‘Dance Again’, I now find myself at an interesting turning point where I’m actually inclined to give the song a chance. The woman knows her business and she knows how to add value to her products. Jennifer Lopez gets that she’s a multi-dimensional and thoroughly visual kinda brand, and without the presence of a music video, her songs could not stand a chance of driving home a hit.
Scissor Sisters once said, “you can’t see tits on the radio” – well, bitch, see this why she up on YouTube. And I’m sure if Mami Lopez had a sale for every view this clip gets on YouTube, she would be rightfully snatching Katy Perry and Rihanna‘s wigs.
Here are some important features of Slaylo‘s ‘Dance Again’ video – carefully considered with absolutely no mention of Pitbull whatsoever:
It’s taking me higher. Higher.
A-grade director Paul Hunter, who did Jennifer‘s last blockbuster smash ‘Papi’, is back on board to pimp the fuck out of the diva’s newest music video-slash-fragrance commercial.
I am so delighted with the “floating to the top” concept in the first half. I mean, it’s a visually exciting way to depict the idea of “getting high” on the music, the sponsored booze, and apparently J.Lo‘s newest fragrance Glowing (which is her 18th muhfuggin‘ women’s fragrance).
Let’s not forget to clock the sea of bodies she’s writhing with there that’s so evocative of Queen Bey‘s ‘Baby Boy’ and Kylie‘s ‘All The Lovers’. Bey‘s choreographer Frank Gatson Jr. has certainly brought a few stunning tricks to the table that complement the video’s anti-gravity themes.
Platinum Lopez
Are you living for the subtle nod to her Brave visuals here? I know most J.Lo apologisers would rather forget about that album because, fuck, this ho put us through hell trying to justify that mess to our family and friends. But the silver, the sparkles, and flashes of hot pink in a dark background really pops on screen – especially in the dance breakdown when you see it juxtaposed with shots of her dancing in the well-lit foyer.
Watch Jennifer Lopez turn the party with ‘Dance Again’:
Footnotes:
‘Dance Again’ debuted at #34 on the US Billboard Pop Songs chart. It’ll be interesting to see if this song scorches up airwaves and the charts like her last heat stroke ‘On The Floor’.
Not even I, with years of experience as an apologiser of Jennifer Lopez music, could go there with this underwhelming filler.
When I first read that J.Lo‘s threatening a new single called something like ‘Dance, Love, Dance Again’ – I was prepared to go to church and hear this bitch preach about picking yourself up and finding love again. I thought I had the chapter and verse all marked out but sadly, this track is not drawing from a well of personal experiences.
Conceptually speaking, ‘Dance Again’ could’ve been a sensible afterword on Jennifer’s Love? era – y’know something uplifting to counter all those “unlucky in love J.Lo” headlines following her divorce? Instead, it feels like an unnecessary and totally off-mark second take on ‘On The Floor’.
‘Dance Again’ sees the pop superstar reunite with mega producer RedOne and rapper Pitbull, but without the crutch of a killer sample to hold up the track, all parties are working at a loss.
This is essentially, unadulterated top-to-toe filler. I would probably reduce all this mess down to a 30-second loop of the chorus and sell that bite size to Dancing With The Stars or whatever dance talent show that features some ex-Pussycat Doll behind the judging panel.
Listen to J.Lo‘s new single with Pitbull ‘Dance Again’:
For a track that’s supposed to turn the party for J.Lo‘s all-important greatest hits compilation – and believe me, the bitch has had some deluxe choons in her time – ‘Dance Again’ really turned out to be a worrying sign that perhaps, the best days of J.Lo‘s music is behind her.
I’m a huge fan of the ho so it’s really disappointing to see that some economy class rush job like this gets priority over proper invested efforts from her last album like the personal ‘(What is) Love?’ or actual stompers a la ‘Invading My Mind’.
Time to take your own advice, boo. As you said in your cameo on will.i.am‘s ‘T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever)’ – “you can go hard, or you can go home.” I’m done.
Footnotes:
Jennifer Lopez will release ‘Dance Again’ worldwide on Monday 2 April via Sony Music, an interesting return to the label after a brief stint with Island/Def Jam for her Love? era.
I have to say, the arse end of my Top 30 albums list was harder to get right than the all-important Top 10. There are so many splendid LPs and mini-albums that I’ve connected with this year – it wasn’t easy to objectively assess and rank which ones were “better”.
What makes an album worthy of the Feed Limmy Albums of the Year list is overallquality and how well the tracks play together as a collection. There are some artists that make great singles but absolutely flop at getting it together for an album. I’m not here for that.
2011 served some top-notch pop albums with dance/pop persuasions and that has in turn set the tone for my year’s soundtrack. Even though I went through months of “emoting” to break up ballads – see: Clare Maguire‘s ‘Bullet’ – there was always a fun party record or trashy pop album on rotation to keep me going.
As for the quality of the dance/pop releases – it’s hard to stand out in this pack when everyone’s cashing in on the movement. Our eardrums have been rattling to RedOne and David Guetta beats for years now, the hands-in-the-ayer dance urban fusion is quickly losing its summer sheen and we desperately need a revolution. We need dance/pop music with some major heart and soul, y’all.
Feed Limmy‘s Albums of 2011 (#30 – #21) features a number of uptempo pop albums that boast melodic extravagance, cohesion, and a good range of lyrical themes. There should technically be a song for every mood and occasion up in here.
